Polyathralgia and being a nurse

I am a nurse. Body, soul and spirit, I have always been overly concerned about the welfare of others. I will do anything to help someone.
Now I can't. At least for the moment.
I have polyarthralgia: inflammatory joint pain in more than five joints. It's a working diagnosis until what is wrong with me is able to be screened out of blood work.
Let me state completely: This is NOT psychosomatic (in my head). I have had pain that was psychosomatic. It is never crippling, and it goes away if you so much as talk to someone, go for a walk, journal or read a book. This is real pain. Few people will honestly believe you in the world, because it is invisible. And if lab work fails to show anything suspicious, you will be even less believed than you were before.

People have often judged me as "whiny". I figure I have had this whatever it is for years. I used to be tough as nails. I could do anything and never get tired. I built fences, stacked hay, packed grain, cleaned stalls and rode horses for hours, and always had boundless energy. When I hit 17, I was always tired and always overwhelmed.  Do not judge me as pathetic. I do not deserve it, and I won't stand for it anymore.

I was always active, tired, but busy. I went to college and had awesome grades, if I do say so myself. I worked my tail off through RN school, and I got an amazing job as a home health nurse which I adore. Wound care is my delight--helping cure people is so amazingly wonderful. I can't describe what it is to be a nurse, and to hold the hand of someone dying, shake the hand of someone "cured" and so it is a last visit...help someone through the trials of life.

I want a me to take care of me.

I now hurt so much that I move like an 85 year old, grasping counters and chair backs to make sure I don't fall as I avoid putting weight on my feet. I cannot hold a pen for more than 15 minutes. Sometimes I can't hold it at all. I drop cups and plates. I wouldn't hold a baby if you offered it to me, because I might drop it. I cannot stand the bouncing of a car, and do not leave the house unless I have to go to the doctor. I run a fever every day. I cannot sleep because of the pain, have lost 3 pounds in five days from the nausea. I cannot hold a book, and often cannot type. I cannot knit, crochet, paint, draw or sew. I can't hold the items and stand the ache . I can sit. And I can lay down. And I can go for walks three times a day that are 50 feet long.  I cannot go see people because of the car issue

No. I am not making this stuff up. And no I am not enjoying myself. I want to work again like I was. I want to be able to go to movies with my husband and have dinner and dance. I want to be able to make the Christmas presents I had planned. I want to live again.