Re-reading my devotional by Claudia Mitchell and Kim Goad...Chapter One always has a lot that pops out at me. More or less, it describes why being a woman (girl) is important, and that there really is a reason for existence. Not that I doubted that.
"...pointing all the way back to Eve, who listened to the whisper of the enemy when he told her: 'you cannot trust God...God does not love you.'" jumped out enough at me that I even wrote in my book. (Hey! At least it is enough of a pain free day I can prop a book open on my lap).
I fight to know God has a purpose now for my physical pain. There was a purpose for any fear or depression. I have long fought and won that battle and can talk to so many people without judgement or fear of the strange thoughts they might have.
I do not doubt God's love for me, or that I cannot trust God. My past has shown me that He is the safest to allow to love me, the safest to trust. I can allow others to love me, and trust others, too, but He will always always be there for me.
I refuse, as Job also did, to blame God for my physical pain. I know it seems illogical to others. Why would God allow so much bad to happen? We made the choice to break the world, and must suffer through generations until the final signal of "enough is enough" comes to be.
I am waiting to see what this pain is for, and how/when I can use that knowledge in this broken world.
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